Blog Post
OVER COMING FEAR
Peter de Lange • May 4, 2021
OVERCOMING FEAR
Fear is the greatest…and perhaps a big obstacle in reaching your goals. You may think you have stalled because of people, objections, insufficient resources or circumstances outside our control. But it is often fear that keeps us from seeing a way around barriers -- causing us to sabotage our dreams.
FEAR OF FAILURE
You believe that if you fail, there will be disasters consequences that will result in catastrophe. You expect the worst.
Examples:
I'll let down my team... I'll lose the business... I'll be humiliated.
People who fear failure must learn the difference between devastation and disappointment. Few outcomes are devastating…that's an appropriate response only when life or health is at stake.
Strategy I:
Envision the terrible consequences you fear. Then analyze the situation rationally. How likely is it that your worst fear will materialize? Now forcefully challenge your fears. Talk to yourself -- out loud, if necessary.
Example:
I've handled setbacks before. I can rise to the occasion.
This won't feel natural…but do it anyway. Like any skill, controlling catastrophic thinking takes practice.
Strategy II:
Make a list of everything in your life that didn't turn out as you planned…but ultimately worked out in the end.
Example:
I got retrenched from my job…This made made me start my own business.
FEAR OF SUCCESS
Sometimes we are stopped by the fear of what will happen if we do get what we want. That's why some people tend to make mistakes when they are close to accomplishing a goal.
This fear is often based on preconceptions formed in childhood…from our parents' beliefs…or what we observed in the adults around us… or even what that grade school teacher said to you.
Example:
Successful people are self-centered and ruthless. If I do something well, people will expect more of me -- and I will be forced to work even harder.
Strategy:
When you are stuck, ask yourself what you stand to gain by not succeeding. More free time? Less responsibility? Identify the assumptions that underlie your thinking. Are they valid?
Example:
A employee routinely avoided taking on challenges. As a result, he was regularly passed over for promotions. When he was a child, the manager's father, a salesman, was on the road for long periods. The son was afraid that being too successful would make him an absent father to his own children. Once he acknowledged that assumption, he sought new responsibilities that would bring him success yet not require him to spend long periods of time away from his family.
FEAR OF CHANGE
Even when we want things to be different, change can make us feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.
Strategy:
Build as much familiarity as possible into any new situation. Identify daily routines that make you feel anchored and content -- from walking the dog to reading the paper over your morning coffee. Pick at least three of these anchors, and resolve to continue doing them every day, no matter what else happens.
Example:
It is difficult to make sales calls, so I start each morning by reading a motivational or quote book and having my favorite coffee. Then I'm prepared to make calls.
FEAR-BUSTING STRATEGIES
• Take a leap of faith.
People often talk themselves out of what they want because they are unsure the outcome.
Example:
I'd like to move to the coast, but I'm not sure how to make my business work there.
Doing research is smart, but it can take you only so far. You may have to take more concrete action to find out what the next steps are. Don't be afraid to learn as you go.
• Make what-ifs positive rather than negative.
We tend to focus on unknowns that frighten us. But there are always positive possibilities, too.
Example:
When we became pregnant with our third child, you may have felt overwhelmed -- what if the baby wasn't healthy... what if we couldn't handle three children... what if we couldn't manage financially? Then a friend asked, "What if this child becomes president? Discovers a cure for cancer? Brings you and your husband joy you can't even imagine?"
• Keep your pipeline full.
Continually build your network of contacts. Be generous with time and expertise. Building and nourishing contacts creates a safety net for when you are in need.
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